What is Pidge Gunderson's real name?
by The Dragon Bi
Summary: When a simple challenge between Lance and Pidge goes into a full-blown contest to see who knows who better. Based off of the Friends episode "The one with the embryos". Set during "Day 47".


"I'm still right." said Pidge as she and Lance walked into the Atlas's lounge area, where Hunk and Keith were sitting. Lance snorted, "That is so not true".

Lance tossed his backpack over on one of the tables and plopped down next to Keith and chucked his arm around him.

"What?" Hunk asked, unsurprised to see that the two paladins were arguing over something again.

Pidge sat down next to Hunk. "He's mad because I know today is Wednesday and that means that he put on one of his more disgusting facial masks on".

Hunk wrinkled his nose. He had no idea why his friend liked those stinky face masks. Hunk could live with the non-scented ones, but not with the ones that Lance had taken to liking.

Keith snorted, "I can end this right now. He totally did".

As soon as these words left his mouth he knew that he had made a mistake. Pidge and Hunk stood up. "You would only know that if you SLEPT WITH HIM LAST NIGHT!" Pidge shrieked. "We only cuddled!" Lance sputtered out. Hunk let out a coo, "Aww… you guys are so cute together"!

"Shut up Hunk!" Keith and Lance said as Hunk and Pidge sat back down giggling.

Lance looked over at Pidge, "I just can't believe that you think that you know me better than I know you".

"Well, I do." Pidge responded. "You can only eat gummy bears in even numbers, and Hunk, if you opened Lance's backpack, you would find a half eaten bag of your cookies in there".

Hunk pulled out a bag of the cookies that he had baked earlier, "You're good". He took a bite of one of the cookies, "And so am I".

Lance rolled his eyes, "So not impressed, everyone snacks on Hunk's cooking all the time".

"Oh yeah?" Pidge said, turning to Hunk, "Hunk, how many items are left in that bag"?

Hunk looked into the bag, "Umm, 5".

Pidge grinned, "I'll bet you ten dollars that I can guess all of the items in your bag".

"How many guesses do you get?" Lance asked

"Six." said Pidge.

"Challenge extended." said Hunk, changing his voice to sound like one of those people who sell things on infomercials.

Lance shook her hand. "Deal".

"Challenge accepted." said Hunk.

Pidge thought for a second and smiled, "Let's start with his phone".

"We'll be starting with his phone." said Hunk.

"Please stop that." said Keith.

Hunk sighed and pulled out Lance's phone. "Yes".

"Ok, um, his laptop, bubble gum, a photo of his family.." said Pidge.

Hunk pulled out the items as she said them, "Yes. Yes. Yes". He paused and looked at her to continue.

"A bottle of water…."Pidge said.

"There isn't any water in there! I win!" Lance shouted joyfully.

"She still has another guess." Keith reminded him.

"Well I won that one." Lance grumbled.

"Ok, the last item is, his headphones." said Pidge, and she gave a joyous shout as Hunk pulled out the headphones.

"Aw quiznak." Lance grumbled.

"Alright, ten bucks. Fork it over. Cough it up. Pay the piper. Give me it." said Pidge as she walked up to Lance, who handed over a ten dollar bill to her.

"That does not mean that you know me better." Lance retorted. "I want a rematch, and none of these backpack questions, real personal questions. And the winner gets a hundred bucks".

"Ok, who makes up the questions?" Pidge asked.

"Hunk can." said Lance.

"Oh, sure, Hunk'll do it. It's not like he has work to do or a life of his own." Hunk complained.

"Well fine. Keith can do it." said Pidge.

"No I wanna play." said Hunk.

While Hunk was setting up the questions, Veronica, Shiro, Allura, Coran, and Romelle walked in.

"What are you guys doing?" Shiro asked.

"Just a friendly competition." said Pidge, trying to sound nonchalant.

Shiro eyed Pidge and Lance, knowing that they were up to something. "Ok".

"The test is ready." said Hunk.

Lance and Pidge sprinted over to where Hunk had set up cheering. The others followed them, wondering what they were doing.

"What are you guys doing?" asked Coran.

" We're trying to see who knows who better with a bet and a competition." Hunk replied.

Shiro sighed, "And there is no way to get you to stop this"?

Lance and Pidge both shook their heads.

"Okay, each of you will answer ten questions. The first person to answer the most questions wins". Hunk walked over to where he had set up a white board with several sticky notes on it. "The categories are Fears and Pet Peeves, Ancient History, Literature, and It's all Relative." Hunk said as he pointed out each category.

Hunk pulled out a coin and said, "The coin toss, to see who goes first". He threw it up in the air and it landed on the table. Lance and Pidge looked at the coin and then looked back up at Hunk with eager faces to see who got to go first.

Hunk picked up the coin. "Ok, someone call it this time". Lance and Pidge nodded.

"Tails!" Lance shouted.

Hunk looked down at the coin. "It's heads". Pidge started to cheer before being tugged back to the couch by Shiro, who wanted this to be over soon.

Before Pidge could pick a category, the Alteans, Shiro, Keith, and Veronica were forced to pick sides by Lance. Allura, Romelle, and Veronica joined Pidge's side while Coran, Keith, and Shiro joined Lance. "Traitor!" Lance shouted as his sister joined the enemy's side. Veronica stuck out her tongue and said, "Sorry Lance. I just wanted to be on the side that was most likely to win".

Everyone except Lance started to laugh. They only stopped when Hunk reminded them that Pidge had to pick a category.

"Fears and Pet Peeves." she said.

Hunk pulled a card off of the board and read, "What phenomenon does Lance claim scares the bejeezus out of him".

Pidge instantly shouted out, "Big Bird"!

Hunk paused before saying, "That is correct." and added a tally to Pidge's column.

While everyone was laughing, Allura asked, "Who is Big Bird"? Veronica pulled out a picture on her phone of the beloved children's character. "That's it?" Romelle asked. "It's not that scary looking." said Coran. "He's a giant yellow mutated bird! Why am I the only one who is freaked out by that?" Lance shouted. "Because you're weird." Veronica stated.

"Same category." Lance grumbled, ignoring the people who were still laughing.

Hunk read out, "What is Pidge's biggest pet peeve"?

Lance thought for a second and said, "Burnt peanut butter cookies".

"That is correct." said Hunk and added a tally to Lance's column.

"Why am I not surprised?" Shiro said.

Pidge rolled her eyes. "It's all relative." she said pointing to the category.

Hunk read out, "Lance had a grandmother who died. You met her when we first went to earth. Name that Grandmother".

Pidge stopped to think before remembering the name of Lance's grandma, who Pidge remembered very well because of her really good fajitas, "Althea"!

"Althea?" Allura questioned. "That's an interesting name." said Romelle.

"Althea is correct," said Hunk.

Pidge cheered as Hunk gave her another point.

"I'LL TAKE LITERATURE!" Lance shouted out.

"Back at the Garrison, Pidge would receive a science magazine. What name appeared on the address label?" Hunk asked.

"Pidge Gunderson!" Lance shouted out.

"That is incorrect." Hunk said.

"WHAT?!" Lance shrieked.

"The magazine came to Pidgeon Gunderson." said Hunk.

There were several snorts of laughter as Pidge said, "Actually it's Mr. Pidgeon Gunderson".

"Alright. The score is nine to eight in favor of Pidge. Lance, if you miss this, the game is hers." Hunk said.

A lot of questions and shouting had happened in the last half varga. Everyone was finding this really fun to watch. In the middle of the game, the MFE pilots and the Holt family, accompanied by Bae-Bae had come in to watch. Rizavi, Leifsdotter, and the other Holts had joined Pidge, while Kinkade and Griffin had joined Lance's team. Rizavi and Kinkade were filming the whole thing, but no one seemed to notice.

"IT'S ALL RELATIVE!" Lance shouted.

"You don't have to shout everything." said Hunk, trying to calm down his friend.

"I'M SORRY!" Lance shouted out.

Hunk sighed and read out the next question. "What is the name of Pidge's Father's younger brother's Las Vegas all-male Burlesque"?

Lance stood up and shouted, "Viva Las Gaygas"!

Pidge looked down, disappointed. "Unfortunately that is correct".

Lance cheered as Hunk pulled out an envelope. "Looks like we have a tie. Luckily, I've prepared for such an event". He flipped over the envelope and they saw that it had a lightning bolt on it. "The lightning round!" Hunk shouted.

"30 seconds, all the question you can answer." said Hunk, explaining the rules.

Lance stood up and said, "You are so dead! I am so good at lightning rounds"!

Pidge snorted and said, "I majored in lightning rounds, alright? I'm going to destroy you".

Lance grinned and said, "Oh, wanna bet"?

Pidge feigned confusion as she said, "I'm so confused as to what we've been doing so far".

Lance grinned manically. "How about we play for more money? Say, 150"?

Hunk leaned in and said in the same annoying voice that he had earlier, "150 dollars".

Pidge grinned, "Say 200"?

"200 dollars." said Hunk.

Lance turned to Hunk, annoyed. "You're doing it again".

Hunk stepped back. "Excuse me".

"300?" Lance asked. "Wait, scratch that. If I win, you have to get rid of that annoying robot rooster".

A few weeks ago Matt and Pidge had begun to work on a robot that resembled a rooster. It had been perfectly fine until it started making loud noises in the middle of the night, and Lance was in the room next to Pidge's so he never got any sleep.

Matt stood up and said, "No way. That robot is family".

Keith, who was just as annoyed with the robot said, "Throw in the robot duck too"!

Matt gasped, "What do you have against the duck? It doesn't make any noise"!

"He gets the other one all riled up." Keith said.

Matt growled and said, "Look, we are not….." but was cut off by Pidge.

"All right hold on!" she shouted. She turned to Lance, "If you win, we'll give up the robots".

Matt gasped dramatically, but Pidge continued before he could say anything else. "But if I win, I get your tv".

Before leaving earth, Lance had gotten a great deal on a tv with a beautiful entertainment center. The crew often used it for movie nights, and many really wanted it.

Lance paused for a minute before shouting out, "DEAL!" and shook her hand.

"Ok Pidge, you're up first. You have 30 seconds starting…. now. What is Lance's favorite food?" Hunk asked.

"Your mac and cheese." said Pidge.

"Correct. Lance claims that this is his favorite singer".

"Survivor".

"Correct. His actual favorite singer is"?

"Taylor Swift".

"Correct. In what part of his body did Lance get a pencil stuck at age 14"?

Pidge leaned over and whispered something into his ear.

Hunk drew back disgusted. "Eww no! His ear"!

Pidge shrugged.

Hunk sighed and said, "Lance categorizes his facial products. How many categories are there"?

Pidge paused and thought. To herself she mumbled, "Everyday use, pimples, acne…"

"2 seconds." said Hunk.

"Uh, 11?!" Pidge shouted out at the last second.

Hunk stopped the timer. "11. Unbelievable. 11 is correct".

Pidge jumped up and down cheering as Lance booed.

Hunk got Pidge to stop cheering and said, "All right, that's 4 for Pidge. Lance, you're up".

Lance stood up, knowing that that little munchkin was going down.

Hunk looked down at the timer. "30 seconds on the clock. 5 correct questions wins the game. Time starts...now. What was Pidge's nickname when she the head of the robotics club"?

"Gremlin".

"Correct. Pidge was how old when she built her first robot"?

"Um, 10"?

"No. She was type of animal was Pidge's first pet"?

"A snake".

"Correct. And what was his name"?

"Rover".

"Correct. What is Pidge Gunderson's real name"?

Up till now, Lance had had a huge grin on his face. When he heard this question, the smile dropped off of his face. He began to rub his temples. He had heard her family call her by her real name. He began shouting out all that he could remember about her name.

"Oh...it starts with a K. Her last name is Holt…..ugh".

He looked over at Pidge. Her grin was growing bigger every second that was ticking by.

Hunk looked down at the timer. "10 seconds. You need this or you lose the game".

"I can get this, I can get this…" Lance kept saying to himself. He only stopped when he heard a beep and saw that Hunk had stopped the timer. He fell to his knees and screamed, "NOOOOOOOOO".

He looked over at Pidge and the others. Pidge and Matt were currently jumping up and down joyfully, while everyone else was laughing at how Lance had lost.

"Oh my." said Allura between giggles. "Your earthling games certainly are very amusing".

Lance proceeded to give an over dramatic gasp and laid down on the floor.

Later that afternoon, Pidge walked into Lance's room to make her claim. Lance followed her and fell to his knees. "Please Pidge." he pleaded. "I'll do anything! Please don't take it away from me"!

Pidge grinned, an idea forming in her head. She thought back to the first question that she had answered.

"Anything"?

A few vargas later, the paladins (minus Lance), Romelle, Coran, Shiro, and Veronica were sitting down in the lounge area. Matt walked in and sat down next to Allura. "Has anyone seen Lance?" he asked. An evil giggle escaped Pidge's mouth. Shiro sighed. "Pidge. What did you do to him"?

Pidge's evil grin only grew wider. "I made a deal with him so that he could keep his tv." she said. Veronica grinned. "What are you having him do"?

Before Pidge could answer, Lance walked in covered in yellow feathers with orange flippers on his feet, looking like a horrible version of Big Bird. Everyone began to howl with laughter, even Shiro, who tried his best to keep a straight face and eventually gave up.

Pidge stood up and said, "Now what do you say"?

Lance looked at her with an expression of pure rage. "Pidge is always right." he growled.

"And?" Pidge asked.

If Lance could shoot lasers out of his eyes, Pidge would be nothing but a scorch mark on the floor. "And I am a pretty bird".

Lance heard a weird whirring sound and saw that Rizavi and Kinkade were in the corner, recording him in his feathered glory. They both ran off before Lance could get the camera.

Lance stormed off to his room to get the feathers off, and then he would hunt down that camera and show that evil gremlin that no one messes with him and gets away with it.

 **As soon as I saw that episode of Friends, I knew that this would be something that Pidge and Lance would do. I also thought that it would be hilarious to have Lance's downfall be something that everyone should know. Anyways, please Review!**


End file.
